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What is BDSM
BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. More detailed explanations and meanings of some terms are as follows.
- Bondage. Being tied up or restrained for the purposes of erotic enjoyment and sexual stimulation. Some sex toys in this process involve rope, tape, ties, handcuffs or anything that ties up people.
- Discipline. Using rules and punishments to control the other side’s behavior. Punishments can include physical, psychological or emotional punishments. Certainly, rules and punishments will be implemented after prior discussion and agreement.
- Dominance & Submission. This is a role play game between two people who are in a sexual relationship. It is about power exchange and control. One partner (the submissive) gives over all the control to the other(the dominant). Meanwhile, don’t assume that the submissive partner is always the woman. Men can be submissive too and that will be more fun.
- Sadism & Masochism. Sadism & Masochism. Sexual sadism means one gets pleasure by inflicting physical or psychological pain on someone else. On the contrary, masochism means one would drive erotic stimulation from receiving pain and enjoy the torturing. It’s an exchange of mutually pleasurable activities.
- SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) or RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). To some extent, since BDSM involves some soft areas, both partners must be aware of injury and danger. Be clear that all activities must be consensual and safe, and this is the cornerstone of any healthy, respectful BDSM activities.
- Safe Words. It’s a special word or designed signal to inform the person controlling the scene that play needs to stop right now. Typically, they won’t say “no” or “stop”, because in BDSM play, people tend to choose a word that easily sticks out.
BDSM for Beginners
Try these recommendations to start your BDSM play.
- Choose your role.
In order to have a good rough sex experience, you need to discuss with your partner in advance to determine who is going to be the dominant and the submissive. Of course, you can switch up roles whenever you want to.
- Light spanking or biting.
Spanking is definitely a common fantasy and starting lightly is a good idea. And spanking doesn’t have to just be on the butt, try spanking all around the genitals. Biting is another great entry-level way to play because different levels of pain will bring you to the edge of orgasm.
- Tying up with a scarf.
Bondage is a great start if you try BDSM, and you can choose scarves to tie up your partner. Unlike ropes and handcuffs, they’re soft and won’t damage your lover. The degree of comfort is to make sure that two fingers can be slipped between the tie and the skin. Once you’re ready to move on from scarves, you can consider flogger, restraint cuffs and blindfold.
- Prepare sex toys.
In the world of BDSM play, a few sex toys can really spice up your overall sex life. A vibrator, pocket pussy or restraints like handcuffs are the basic sex toys that will bring fun and orgasm in your bedroom.
Types of BDSM
- BDSM Mask
Depriving one of your five senses causes the others to become heightened. Turns out, masks are one of the cheapest and easiest ways to start experimenting with BDSM. Covering your sense of sight is very erotic for many people since you have no idea what comes next. Every sound, touch, taste and movement becomes a mysterious adventure.
- BDSM Collar
BDSM collar can help both dominant and submissive feel immersed in their roles. For many new BDSM relationships especially D/s and M/s(Dominant/submissive, Master/Mistress/slave) types, choosing collar will be the one significant step. Leather collars in sex stores or collars from pet store are both okay, and the latter help make a scene extra sexy. Dominants should always keep your submissive comfortable and safe when using a collar.
- BDSM Harness
BDSM harness is an undergarment worn over the genitals that can be used to hold and mount a dildo. Harnesses are perfect for anal and vaginal sex. Make sure the harness’ size is perfect for your body type before picking one out.
- BDSM Bondage
When it comes to restraints, BDSM bondage is quite popular among beginners. Use bondage tape to wrap together different parts of the body, such as arms, legs, and breasts. One thing you need to notice is that when binding someone, be careful not to bend the tape or draw it too tightly to their skin.
- BDSM Rope
Rope is one of the best BDSM restraints around. It can be used to make mock handcuffs, restrain someone to a bed, table, or chair, or tie your submissive with sex toys. The rope must be tied in safe and specific positions to maintain your partner’s safety. The neck, wrists, armpits, genitals, eyes, and joints should be avoided. And improper or too tight knot can cause potential nerve damage.